What Is Wrong With The World Today

Updates from March, 2010

• Top 10 Missing Features in The Android G1 by Google

  The Truth 3:45 pm on December 26, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Android (153), Google (1,062), Google Earth, Multi-touch (3), NTFS (3), Search (257), Search Engines (4), tools (34)

  

  Image via CrunchBase

  Let me start by saying that I’m very impressed with the G1. I’ve owned it for about 2 weeks and I cant believe I was without a phone of this caliber for so long. With that said, I’ve got a few ideas for version 2. Here are the Top 10 Missing Features in the Android G1.

  10. Video Capture
  

  This is a given. I’ve read about the Cupcake Project, but I’m not about to mangle my new phone’s OS just to try a beta SVN build of hacks. A glaring WTF.

  9. A beer drinking program.

  I cant imagine this would be that hard to port, or re-create with an actual particle engine.  Im sure someone over at Blender is working on this.

  8. No Google Earth.

  Seriously google. What the fuck… It’s even on the iGotPwnedBySteveJobs.

  7. No Multi-Touch.

  I have to say this is very surprising, with all the surface control hype today you’d think this would be a standard component to any touch screen technology. I hear ATM’s even have this now.

  6. Youtube only?

  What about break.com, nothingtoxic.com, and metacafe.com???????

  5. Internal Memory is insufficient.

  I’ve got about 50 apps installed, all of which are around 1 mb or less and Im running out of room.  I really hope they extend NTFS to the external storage. Then I can actually USE that fancy card I robbed off that midget at the mall.

  4. Battery life sucks.

  With everything turned on, it only gets about 8 hours. I went back to the store and complained, netting me 3 free batteries. Score.

  3. Slow Processor.

  We need more juice! The multitasking features are great, but it boggs down after 2 or 3 apps. Why can’t they slap an i7 in there.

  2. Support for multiple Gmail accounts.

  Teh fail.

  1. Video Chat.

  Ok. mabey its a pipe-dream. How cool would it be to Skype video-chat from your phone…or Camfrog even.

  Bleh. I need to take a shit.

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• Top 5 Google Android Apps

  The Truth 1:26 pm on December 22, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Android (153), Blogger (7), Facebook (147), Flickr (8), Google (1,062), Photobucket, RSS (3), Social network (3), Twitter (71), Web (47)

  

  Image via CrunchBase

  Here is a list of what I think are the Top 5 Google Android Apps.

  5. Power Manager v.1.4.2

  This app gives you different device presets for different battery conditions. If you’re not browsing the web, or synching via bluetooth, then there’s no reason to leave those components activated. This app even has a setting for “Browser Mode” where you’re wireless connections are disabled until you flip out the keyboard. I usually keep the phone on “Low Battery Mode” to conserve, and switch to “AC Power” when I need the extra juice. 

  4. Compare Everywhere

  For the frugal-Googler, we have Compare Everywhere, a bar-code scanner that automatically tells you if you’re getting the best deal. Just scan any item and within seconds you get the lowest prices and map locations of how to get there. Always get the lowest price! A must have for any shopper this season. 

  3. PixelPipe

  This one is for the social network gurus and media sharing junkies. Sync your pictures from your G1 to your Facebook, Flickr, Picassa, Blogger, Photobucket, Wordpress (and many more, see Full List) all with 1 touch of a button. Add your accounts into PixelPipe and upload tagged, named pictures straight to your webspace. Pair this with a RSS plugin on your blog and you’re Life-Photo-Blogging in no time.  

  2. Zombie Run

  A simple GPS based game that involves physically running away from the ravenous pack of brain-eaters. Add your zombie horde, set the speed of the zombies, and RUN LIKE HELL. Get to the green icons (the survivors) and avoid the red icons, the zombies. Simple, fun, worth a download. This would be fun in a highly public place.

  1. cab4me light

  Drunk? Lost? Need a cab? Say no more. A few drunken taps on the screen and a cab will be sent to your location with minimal effort. Great idea guys. Keep it up

   

  There ya have it. My Top 5 Androids Apps of the moment. 

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• 20+ Mexicans in a Van get Owned

  The Truth 1:03 pm on December 22, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
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  These unlucky hombres get quite a surprise when they hit that intersection. Look at how many of them there are packed in the 92′ Astro.

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• Flash on Android G1

  The Truth 11:32 am on December 22, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Android (153), Computers (25), Google (1,062), Linux (34), Operating Systems (5), Package management system, Projects (6), T-Mobile (7)

  

  Image via CrunchBase

  I picked up a T-Mobile Android G1 the other day. I must say, this is the coolest device I’ve ever owned. My one complaint so far is. WHERE IS THE FLASH SUPPORT! Come on Adobe… I’ve seen this done before (see below), and I’ve got a decent background in Linux (compiling software, package management, ect..), so why can’t it be done? Is there an .apk file floating around somewhere?

  I’d like to see an ‘alternate’ market app for non-free ports, grey-area apps, and other things that Google might not want to be tied to legally. 

  Anyone who can shed any light on this, please comment below. For now, just drool over this video.

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• Top 10 Reasons Why Working Freelance Rules

  The Truth 11:23 am on December 10, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Camfrog, Computer (137), Fuck (28), Health (126), shit (16), Skype (7), Toilet (8)

  10. Make your own hours.

  I think I’ll take today off. Actually, I think I’ll take the whole week off. Fuck it, call me in a month.

  9. Work in your underwear.

  This can backfire. Make sure you’re contacts dont use Skype, or Camfrog.

  8. No Co-workers to deal with.

  Finally, I can work without worrying about how to hide all these bodies.

  7. No Commute!

  I live in LA. FUCK TRAFFIC.

  6. You’re always precisely on time. 

  Thats right. I meant to show up at 9:08am. Cock.

  5. Smoke while you are doing it.

  ATHF reference for the perpetually cool.

  4. Take a shit in your own toilet.

  Nothing like familiar porcelain on your ass-cheeks while you make poop soup.

  3. Porn breaks.

  Hooray for PORN! 

  2. Use you own computers.

  I hate working on someone else’s computer, You never know how many times they #3′d on the keyboard.

  1. Be your own boss.

  Hell motherfucking yes. 

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• Top 5 Reasons Why Monday Sucks

  The Truth 11:32 pm on December 8, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: asshole (3), Beverages, Coffee (34), Food (64), Good Luck, Shopping (44), Toaster, YouTube (185)

  

  Image via Wikipedia

  5. There’s no coffee waiting for you. Sure that secretary makes enough money to remember to Email everyone when she finds a paper towel on the ground, but not enough to get her ass in there and make some damn coffee. Especially not on a Monday.

  4. That one cheeky fucker. You know the one I’m talking about. I’m referring to the one assnugget who insists on ’starting the week off right’ and gleefully romping around the office trying to infect the rest of us with motivation. Good Luck, Asshole. 

  3. Everything breaks on a Monday. Before I even get my coffee, I’ll get 10 emails about how the email system is broken, at least 4 phone calls to tell me the phones don’t work, and at least 1 idiot running into my office to tell me the building is on fire (but in reality, its just the toaster). 

  2. People forget there are 4 more days in the work week. Just today, I got a phonecall (albeit a very profitable, important one) at 8:35 AM! WTF. My week hasn’t even technically started. I hear this is punishable by chopping off 1 ear in most 3rd world countries. 

  1. New Work Week, New Projects. YAY, more crap for me to pretend I’m doing. I’m sure at some point I’ll have Stumbled every blog post, watched every YouTube video and beat off to every hot chick on the internet. Perhaps I’ll start working after I reach those goals. 

  Chances are, everyone is as pissed off as you are. 

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• Top 10 Most Evil IT Office Pranks

  The Truth 6:57 pm on December 4, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: DVD (12), Entertainment (103), Linux (34), My Little Pony, Networking (17), Operating system (6), Operating Systems (5), Password (89), Shopping (44), Thin Clients, Virtual Network Computing

   

  10. Email Sniping

  Server side fun. “Did you get my email?” <<zap>>, “No…(yes)”

  9. The Decaff. Suprise

  See how the marketing department feels when their java lifeline is switched to non-caffeinated pisswater. 

  8. Good ol’ password change.

  Make it something like )*(_&ifhu-)*&D)FH_)87fy-09y8Y_)* and insist they memorize it. Idiots. 

  7. The straight up crash

  Burn their fucking computer to the ground with a few well-placed lines of code. 

  6. Torrent framing

  “Well Johnny, it seems as if you’ve been using $100,000 of company equipment to download the My Little Pony DVD Box set from thepiratebay. You’re fired.” with a Mac/Unix/Linux based office, one could do this rather easily.

  5. VNC Takeover

  They will never figure it out. They’ll blame the gremlins and tiny japanese people in the box they know as a computer.

  4. Goatse Wallpaper

  Not up on your internet lingo? Prepare for a doozie.

  3. Share the dirt.

  ‘Accidently’ share someone’s ‘hidden’ stash of ’special’ files. Make sure you label it “Marks Disgusting Porno Collection On the Company Server”

  2. Annoyatron

  This amazing little device found at ThinkGeek.com is a great way to piss off any desk jockey.

  1. 2girls1cup Screensaver

  Just make sure you use your VNC connection to blast their volume. Nothing like walking away from a quiet office, only to come back to 2 girls shitting in a cup, moaning. 

   

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• The Most Passive Aggressive Email Ever

  The Truth 3:28 pm on December 4, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Business (164), Clothing (9), Jeans (5), Materials, Paper pulp, Paper towel, Shopping (44), Toilet paper

   

  I thought this was really funny. 

   

  You will probably get ad nauseam from me about caring for our office surroundings.   So here is another approach:

  When the trash basket at our “kitchen area” is overflowing DON’T take the time to bind it up and throw it out let the other person do it.   It’s good for their soul.

  When you use the toaster oven and microwave and leave crumbs on the table or whatever - DON’T clean it up when you done - leave it for the other person.  It’s good to let your co-worker benefit from this service to you.

  When you take the last bit of toilet paper - DON’T replace it with another roll so it’s handy for the next person - just leave it for that person so they can practice their yoga positions while trying to unwrap another roll.

  ditto when you take the last but of paper towels to clean your hands - the next person can just wipe their hands on their jeans, dress - it will save the environment some paper.

   

   

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• Top 10 Video Game Based Pornos

  The Truth 8:33 pm on December 3, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Arts (39), assteroids, asteroids, call of duty, castlevania (3), castleveinia, counter-strike (2), counter-stroke, duck cunt, duck hunt, DVD (12), ghostbusters (4), ghostthrusters, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, luigi (6), Mario (230), Moro Islamic Liberation Front, Nazism, pokemom, pokemon (27), Russian language, tetris (3), United States (46), video games, World of Warcraft (2)

  

  Image via Wikipedia

  Please, save the hatemail. I know these arent real games, but a guy can dream right? Here are the Top 10 Videogame Based Porno DVD titles and their taglines.

  10. Super Mario Hoes

  Enter a magical world of mushroom stamps, pipe plunging, and a pair of nympho plumbers. Maria Mario and Luigina Mario feverishly horde all the spare change they can find whilst constantly battling the ever-present mushroom stamping Goomboys.

  9. Call of Booty

  A POV based film, geared toward the Nazi fetish crowd. We follow Pvt. Johnson as he escapes the evil Nazi sadomasochism dungeon and get back to good ol’ USA to bang out his Blonde Bombshell.

  8. World of Whorecraft

  This porno is a little different than your normal everyday flick. In order to get the the next DVD chapter, you must first watch the previous chapter 300,000 times in a row, complete 4 masturbatory quests, and shell out another 60 dollars in order to expand your package.

  7. Assteroids

  Simple. Our main character, Assy, flies through space dodging creampies and 2 girls with a very special cup.

  6. Pokemom

  Your standard japanese hentai tentacle MILF porno. Any Questions??

  5. Ghosthrusters

  Find out what happens when Egon and Ray finally ‘cross the streams’.

  4. Castleveinia

  Vampire Nymphos try and suck the Hero dry.

  3. Titris

  Titris is a classic Russian porno starring, well, Russian tits. Vladimir, the lead, arranges a series of oddly shaped boobs so they form 1 perfect pair of tits.

  2. Counter-Stroke

  Suprisingly, this sub-par DVD will not only have you glued to your screen for 12 hours a day, but probably everything else within arms distance… after you’re done of course.

  1. Duck Cunt

  This interactive DVD allows you to ’shoot’ the vagina of your liking using the remote controller. Afterwards, a bitch will run across the screen and slurp up your load, smiling.

  

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• Top 10 Ways to Deal With Someone Who Talks With Their Mouth Full.

  The Truth 11:56 am on December 2, 2008 | 0 Permalink | Reply
  Tags: Avian influenza, Barbecue (2), Health (126), Infectious disease, Influenza (2), Kobe Bryant, Passive-aggressive behavior, Potato chip

   

  10. Ask them to finish their bite before continuing.

  Always go with the simple approach first. You wind up with less body-bags, cleaner fee’s and suspicious souses. It might not be as effective, but will get the job done in most cases. 

  9. Start making ‘Chomping’ noises while they are talking. 

  This is a personal favorite of mine. Make sure you start right in the middle of one of their words, in between gulps of BBQ Lays. 

  8. Start a printer queue with 10,000 pages of noting but: OM NOM NOM NOM.

  Self-explanatory. Simple, passive, a good waste of company money.

  7. Take their food and throw it away.

  Why let them enjoy life while making yours shit. Take that fat fuck’s snack and pull a Kobe Bryant on their ass. Make sure you read them the nutrition facts while doing it.

  6. Begin coughing exaggeratedly on them and/or their food.

  Nothing ruins a mid-day snack-a-roo like an Avian Flu infected serving of lung butter from yours truly.

  5. Close your eyes, and cover your ears.

  This is for the passive aggressive crowd. Pussies.

  4. Refer to them as Mr. Ed, and nothing else, even if their name is Ed.

  For bonus points, direct them with clicks and strange horse-whisperer sounds. Use of a whip is entirely optional, but encouraged. 

  3. Kick them in the balls/cunt right before they swallow.

  With any luck, the inconsiderate bastard will choke to death on their lunch.

  2. The silent head shake.

  Nothing says “I’m disappointed in your existence” quite like the silent head shake. Simple, effective, and easy.

  1. Replace potato chips with arsenic. 

  Now, seriously. If the retard you’re dealing with doesn’t have enough common sense to keep their mouth shut while talking, then they probably don’t deserve to live.

   

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