02Dec Top 10 Ways to Deal With Someone Who Talks With Their Mouth Full.

10. Ask them to finish their bite before continuing.

Always go with the simple approach first. You wind up with less body-bags, cleaner fee’s and suspicious souses. It might not be as effective, but will get the job done in most cases.

9. Start making ‘Chomping’ noises while they are talking.

This is a personal favorite of mine. Make sure you start right in the middle of one of their words, in between gulps of BBQ Lays.

8. Start a printer queue with 10,000 pages of noting but: OM NOM NOM NOM.

Self-explanatory. Simple, passive, a good waste of company money.

7. Take their food and throw it away.

Why let them enjoy life while making yours shit. Take that fat fuck’s snack and pull a Kobe Bryant on their ass. Make sure you read them the nutrition facts while doing it.

6. Begin coughing exaggeratedly on them and/or their food.

Nothing ruins a mid-day snack-a-roo like an Avian Flu infected serving of lung butter from yours truly.

5. Close your eyes, and cover your ears.

This is for the passive aggressive crowd. Pussies.

4. Refer to them as Mr. Ed, and nothing else, even if their name is Ed.

For bonus points, direct them with clicks and strange horse-whisperer sounds. Use of a whip is entirely optional, but encouraged.

3. Kick them in the balls/cunt right before they swallow.

With any luck, the inconsiderate bastard will choke to death on their lunch.

2. The silent head shake.

Nothing says “I’m disappointed in your existence” quite like the silent head shake. Simple, effective, and easy.

1. Replace potato chips with arsenic.

Now, seriously. If the retard you’re dealing with doesn’t have enough common sense to keep their mouth shut while talking, then they probably don’t deserve to live.